The suckiest day ever

Friday, April 25, 2014

 
 
I'm sorry that I've been so absent. Maddie's condition has been weighing heavy on my mind and I've been trying every conventional and alternative treatment I can to make her better.
 
I had to finally accept the fact that while she seemed to be making progress a few weeks ago, she started slipping again. Her cough had gotten much worse and I would wake up in the middle of the night to her coughing and fidgeting because she couldn't get comfortable. I would reach down and pet her and she would let out a little cry and put her head on my leg.
 
In the last week, she was unable to walk at all. I would stand her up and she would fall right down again. To see her sitting in her bed, she seemed happy and would bark hello when I got home or to beg for a cookie. But she couldn't walk. I carried her everywhere and she seemed in pain when I picked her up which she hadn't before. She cried when she tried to stand up because her body just wasn't cooperating. I walked her around the neighborhood in her stroller but I think going over bumps bothered her because she would cry when we got to the end of the street and so we had to come home.
 
I made the gut wrenching decision to let her go and I called the vet Thursday morning to make the appointment. I thought I had it together until the reception at the vet's office said "hello" and I just lost it. They were able to take us late that afternoon and since it was a sunny and warm day, we spent the afternoon outside on a blanket and were joined by the neighbor's small children. It was a beautiful last day together.
 
My friend Bobby was kind enough to take us to the appointment and he came in the room with me while we said our final goodbyes. Maddie loved her Uncle Bobby. For some reason, there's been a lot of turnover of the front desk staff at the vet's office and the new people seem pretty clueless.
 
This girl with multi-colored hair walked in, muttering an "I'm sorry" and then asked me how I wanted to take care of the bill. Maddie just growled at her which was hilarious because Maddie never growled at anyone! Bobby and I looked at each other and laughed through our tears. It was like Maddie was saying. "Hey! We're having a moment here."
 
I told them that I assumed that I would be billed like the last time and she walked out muttering "I'm sorry" again. The vet came in and apologized profusely for her asking me that and then said something about "lots of new people."
 
The vet and the vet tech were beyond compassionate during the whole process and my Maddie passed peacefully in my arms. She really was the inspiration for writing my book because she showed me how dogs live in the moment and all they want is someone to love them.
 
I was blessed to be able to be that someone, even if only for a short time.  

20 comments

  1. Well, I'm sitting here crying as I read this. Chrissy, you have been in my thoughts all week and this must have been why. In fact, I even sent you some Reiki energy during one of my meditations.

    "She really was the inspiration for writing my book because she showed me how dogs live in the moment and all they want is someone to love them.

    I was blessed to be able to be that someone, even if only for a short time."

    ((((((((((((((((( You )))))))))))))))

    X ya, my friend. And if you ever need to talk, please don't ever hesitate to call me.

    P.S. That picture of Maddie is so precious!

    ((((((( Maddie )))))))



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    1. Thank you, Ron. You're such a good friend!

      I just bought that neckerchief for her last week so she had to model it. To make matters worse, I woke up with a terrible cold on Thursday so I feel lousy mentally and physically. Blah! I have to work all weekend so hopefully that will keep my mind occupied. Now I can't even say her name to anyone without breaking out in tears but I know it will get better like it did with Bernie.

      Have a good weekend.

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  2. Lost a lot of 'em over the years...

    Never gets easier darlin... wisht it would but...

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    1. You're right, it sure doesn't. But I'll do it again.

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  3. From the time you rescued her, she was never loved more in her life. No dog could ever ask anymore.
    You have such a beautiful heart. I am sorry to see it in so much pain.
    The pain will pass but the memories wont. Soon her name will bring a smile to your face.

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    1. Thank you for your sweet words. Now I'm crying again. lol

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  4. Sad times Chrissy, but you're an inspiration. I hope your book has a similar effect. Love, Indigo x

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    1. Thank you for being a shoulder to cry on. xoxo

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  5. Oh Chrissy, I'm so sorry for you loss. You can tell by her photo, she was such a loving girl and I know you and the other pups will miss her immensely. *hugs*

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    1. Thank you. She was the sweetest soul ever.

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  6. Too sad, many commiserations to you. It's the toughest part of the deal when we take on a dog. Maddie was lucky to have you in her life and I guess you have no doubt you were lucky to have her in your life. I've had to do this with dogs I've had and also accompanied people to the vets with their dogs and reading about this never fails to make me snivel. My very best wishes to you.

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    1. Thanks, Mark.

      It's the absolute worst thing you ever have to do.

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  7. I'm so sorry Chrissy...it's been such a messed up week I haven't checked in recently.

    Maddie couldn't have spent her last months in a better place. You're good people.

    I've got to wipe away a couple of tears and give some treats to a fat Basset now.

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    1. Thanks, Pablo. No apologies necessary. Thanks for your kind words. Give fat Basset a kiss. And a cookie, of course. :-)

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  8. So sorry for your loss. She had a wonderful life with you and now is pain free and walking in heaven. I think you have a very kind soul.

    Dee

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    1. That's very sweet of you to say, Dee. Thank you. I'm sure she's having a blast and that gives me great comfort.

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  9. In God's loving wisdom and vision,he created man with the ability to love. We love our family. We love our freinds. We love our pets. Through you blog posts, we all know that you truly loved Maddie. Your loss is felted through all your freinds. We cannot truly feel your pain,but we have all lost a pet that we loved.The pain the same for all. I hope that soon you will feel some degree of relief from your suffering. I wish you only the ability to love again,knowing that Maddie is in a better place and is playfully awaiting you someday.

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    1. This was such a beautiful sentiment. Thank you for your kindess. Sadly, most know that pain of losing a pet but as you said, I'm happy that she's running free now.

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  10. C, I couldn't read your post when you first wrote it. And even now, I barely can't read it through. There are so many emotions welling up when I think back at the moment when my own Nina passed away in my arms, and how lousy and guilty I felt to see all that confidence and love in her eyes whilst I was paying someone to kill her. Like in Maddie's case, it was for her best and was the only possible decision, but Jeez, it still weighs me down. And to read your own "journey", to imagine you going through a similar process makes me want to take you in my arms and hug you and share some silent sobbing with you! xoxoxo, you're a wonderful woman and a wonderful "dog mummy", hon!

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    1. Thank you, Lovey. Nina was lucky to have you with her to the end. I read somewhere that vets said that when the owner chooses not to be there, the dog always looks for them. That's heartbreaking. Nina knew you loved her to the end and so did my Maddie. xoxo

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