Monday Morning Millie

"Is Black Friday over yet??"

Oops, I did it again

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You'll often hear me say, " I will never_______________"

...drink that much again.
...eat that much again.
...sleep with an ex again.

But I inevitably, DO_____________

...drink that much again.
...eat that much again.
and sleep with an ex AGAIN.


Well, I'm pretty sure that I said I would NEVER go on a dating website again.

Guess whaaaat?

And it's just as disastrous as it was ALL the other times. Okay, maybe disastrous is a little over reactive but unsuccessful doesn't seem like an adequate enough summation.

I've been having a pretty tough time entering my first holiday season without both of my parents so I wanted a little distraction and I thought internet dating might be a good place to find that distraction.

I was wrong.

As usual, I start out just looking at profiles. I'm not willing to plunk down my credit card until I'm pretty confident that there are at least 3 or 4 guys that I feel are worth my $35.00 gamble. Once I found a few, I was able to start searching.

I avoided the ones that are looking for their soul mate, lifelong partner or "woman to complete me". Remember, I was just looking for a distraction through the holidays.


This is his only photo


Nothing turns a lady on like a man wearing a wife beater


If he's 47, I'm 29. That dog is dead three times over.


Doesn't he have anyone who can take his picture so he doesn't have to use the reflection off his bathroom mirror?


The profile was for the guy on the right. Me likey.

I was communicating with a really nice guy who lived about 10 minutes from me. He was a carpenter but he also did plumbing and electrical so I found myself making a mental list of all the things I needed done every time I talked to him.

I fell in love with him when he told me that his father lives in NYC and gets VIP tickets to the Macy's parade every year! Ever since I was a little girl, I have been DYING to go to New York for the parade. I get up every Thanksgiving and watch it from start to finish. This year, when my sister came over at noon, I told her that it wasn't as much fun to watch without Mom and Dad making fun of me.

"You know I still think you're a freak", she replied.

"Aw....thanks, Lisa." sniff...sniff

Anyway, back to Macy's guy. Nice guy, funny, talked for a week and then POOF. He disappeared. Oh well.

The website copied Facebook and has the option to "like" a photo on someone's profile. I posted pictures of Millie and Dino and they get WAY more likes than me!

Same old story. They wink, I wink back. Nuthin. They email, I respond. Nuthin.

Since I wasn't having any luck on this website, I went to another and emailed this guy. He's a little bit older but I like his face. It has character.

Fingers crossed!

Monday Morning Vinny

"Damn, it's getting cold!

Wake me when it's time to go to Florida."

There's no place like home

You guuuuuuyyyyysss!!!

I've missed you all sooooooo much! Sooooo much has been going on that I've had absolutely no time to visit you guys or let you know what's been happening.

I was super sick for a little over two weeks with some chest/throat thing that I just couldn't seem to shake and now I think it's lingering bronchitis.

Here are my lazy nurses keeping watch while I'm too weak to move from the intoxicating cocktail of meds the doctor gave me.



The most exciting thing to come out of it was a sexy, throaty voice that held on for about 5 days. I liked to think that I sounded like Demi Moore but it was probably more like Brenda Vaccaro in a Playtex tampons ad.



For almost a week, I had little to no voice. I amused myself by the way I laughed or should I say, couldn't laugh. I would start to laugh but only little squeaks would come out and that just made me laugh more. I'm so easily amused.

The timing was perfect, though, because it was a few weeks before the November 8th general election and there were tons of people calling and knocking on the door to promote their particular issue. I usually don't answer the door but I was laying on the couch and assumed it was my neighbor since I had just gotten off the phone with him.

I was wrong.

I opened the door and hadn't even said anything when this woman went into her whole spiel about why Issue X was wrong. (Or was it right??) I let her give her argument, all the while, nodding and smiling. When she paused, I interjected something about why I was for (or was it against?) it and she leaned in..

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.."

I repeated myself, "I s-------- do-------e--------no-------". Every other letter was able to escape and make a sound but not enough of them grouped together to form an audible sentence.

She tilted her head, "I...I still don't...."

I kept pseudo-talking. "I---------wan-------g-------me------" and started waving my arms wildly.

She was so disgusted that she backed down the front steps, saying,"You know what? I'll come back another time and we can discuss it."

Hmmm...she never came back. You should try it!

Monday Morning Millie & Dino

"I know Dino was just stretching in his sleep but do you know what this could do to my political career?

We tell NO ONE about this. Do you hear me?? No one!"

Monday Morning Dino

"If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one."
Mother Teresa




"And make it a dog."
Dino